my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
