I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
