I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
