Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
