maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
