i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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