The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
