You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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