i wish my penis had a tongue
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
