i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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