Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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