When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
