He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
