yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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