I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We have started to decorate penises.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
