I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize