I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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