I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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