Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
