just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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