I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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