I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
