Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
