Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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