look no pants
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
