between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
