he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
