I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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