I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
