I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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