she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
