There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
