i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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