But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
