im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
