2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
God, I missed his penis.
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