Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
