last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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