I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Congratulations! We have a period
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