that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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