we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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