we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
