Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
