apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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