My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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