I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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