i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
