Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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