he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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