I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
