when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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