he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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