I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
