East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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