I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
