i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
