Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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