Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
