i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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