No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
