Non-Jews are for practice
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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