His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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