I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
