even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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