oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck