Screwed.edu
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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