did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.