Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?