Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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