I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots