# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.