omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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