So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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