Will you blow on my dice?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
