She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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