I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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