Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
